Evening with Nescafe in hand

Some days you wake up and immediately start to worry. Nothing in particular is wrong, it's just the suspicion that forces are aligning quietly and there will be trouble.

Journey home

Being at home for the weekend is definitely what I needed. There is always that familiarity, of being at home with your family. The warmth that you would instantly feel when you enter the house. I don't know how to explain it, but it's there. Peace and tranquility. It's comforting to know that you are surrounded by the people who would, undoubtedly stand by you side no matter what. They are blood after all. Somehow, somewhere, these are the people that you could always count on. NO MATTER WHAT.

I grew up there. Mum says we moved a couple of times, but I don't remember any. I only remembered
the ones in the house. Loads of memories ; some are bitter. Some are happy memories. It's all part of the growing process, I guess. I missed my sisters the most. They're my parents combine with being my best friends (ones that would never disappoint you) combine with being my sisters. I love them more than anything in this world. No one, no one can beat them. I guess I just miss hanging out with them, both of them together. I remember, when we shared the room, all three of us together, cramped up in the room, there would always be a recap of the day. They would always tell stories of school life and their friends. I remember wishing to grow to be just like them. We studied in the same room, but always ended up talking to each other. I always have crazy ideas, some would be executed, most of it not. I've got two monster sister.

MONSTER 1 : She is four years older. On her way to becoming a super rich DENTIST. *grin* well, somebody's got to support me. *shrugs shoulder*. As I was saying, she's the one that would be keeping our butts in line. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she's no fun, but she makes sure that we don't go too far off. She buys me gifts, That's her way of showing her love. She's amazing inside and out. But she's not someone that I could tell everything to. I don't know why, I just don't want to mess the image that she has of me. She's kind-hearted. Self-less, loving but doesn't normally show it. Protective. Thoughtful. Easily annoyed. INTELLIGENT. Low self-esteem. Can't handle pressure. Is loved by her youngest monster very much.

MONSTER 2 : She's a year younger than monster 1. When we were kids, she is the hot-tempered one. She is the buttercup of Powerpuff girls. I swear, when we were kids, she and I did not get along well. She hated me. I, was completely oblivious to the fact. But as we grew older, she is the one that I could talk about almost anything. She became my partner in crime. She knew all of my secrets, worries and concerns. She is the one true person in this world that I could be myself without being afraid of what she would think. She's not judgmental. She is kind and forgiving. Smart. Foolish. Mature. Childish. Vain. Protective. Cheerful. Optimistic. Caring, Honest. Small. But yet, nothing about her is small. She has a BIG heart. Is loved by her youngest monster very much

No words can describe how much thou love thee.

But my favourite part of the house would be my room. For years, it has been my sanctuary. My great-wall-of China. It's as though the room is far away from the world and I believe that whenever I am in it, it protects me from the evilness of the world. Keeps me safe and happy. I could be/do whatever I want. Well, not whatever. I am still under parental supervision. But close *wink*. I love being in my room. The ambience that it gives out, makes me think I could do whatever I set my heart too. Every once in awhile, whilst everyone is asleep, I would be up ; rearranging and redecorating the room. To suit my mood. And then, in the morning, when I wake up, it'll be a brand new day with new beginnings. For new discoveries and new dramas. I love having that feeling. I love my room. I talked to my first crush there, new boyfriend, sleepless nights, endless crying, overrated mother-daughter fights, friendships torn and friendships renewed.

Funny thing is, I don't miss home. I miss parts of it. And I miss the people that we were when we were kids.

That was why, I needed to go back home last weekend. I needed a break from the world.

Plan plan plan plan!

Phew.

Numbers is confusing. Even more when there's words and transactions involved. I've NEVER been good with words. I just understand differently most people. Guess I've got to work on that, if I want the gold at the end of it. And god knows, how much I want that gold. So I'm done with that and off to bed. I'm having the weird butterflies about tomorrow. This time, this time around I'm going to ignore those inevitable noises and walk through that door. I'm going to the other side. *deep breathes*

On a completely different story.

MONSTER IS GOING BACK TO ELLE ISLAND TOMORROW!!

I still haven't started packing, not like that's unusual. I thought of just coming home with my handbag and a laptop in hand. Handbag + laptop. No clothes. The epitome of travelling light. Unfortunately, due to some moron person, the dryer here have been damaged which result to monster, unable to do her laundry. Thus, after much consideration, I've decided to do laundry at home. Meaning that, I'm bringing back my black bag. Yep, I've got to drag that back all the way to ktm station, and on to the bus.

Plan : around lunchtime I'll take the bus to LCCT.

Hopefully, monster sister will already be there.

Then, ISLAND.

Sounds foolproof. You bet. Now, it's just sleep and packing will be done in the morning.

Goodnight.

M o n s t e r

I had a nightmare this morning.

I can't seem to get my butt there today. It's at eleven, but I went out extra early so I could check the place out. But soon as I got there, I just stood there, at the hallway. Don't even have the guts to stand in front of the door. I'm a coward. I kept thinking of the things that might happen on the other side of the door. What she might say, or do. I've figured out who might be in there, on the other side with me. A friend. That morning, I convinced myself I'm going to go through it. With raisins and a couple of words to God, manage to calm myself down. To be completely honest, I have been having this panic attacks since that. I haven't been myself, and I'm not sure I remember how I was before that. The monster insomnia has gotten worst. Since that, I seldom have a goodnight's rest. The thought of sleeping alone, scares me. Panic attacks follow this sequence. It's not that I don't want to get out, it's just that I can't/don't know how to. It's usually okie when I know or feel someone close to me, to help me sleep. My eating habits are off. I stop eating for a week, only craving for monster sugar. I'm certain whatever I'm doing to my body is not healthy. But I don't care. I'm numb. So numb that if a car comes a hit me, I don't feel a thing.

I saw her, saw her at some computer lab. Funny in my dreams, I have the guts to approach her and tell her the problem. Of why all this while I have been avoiding her. Of why I can't seem to be able to open the door. To take one leap of faith. She was mad, but not in a killer mode kind of way. She finally gave in, told me what I wanted to know. Teach me what I needed to know. At one point, the nightmare didn't seem like a nightmare anymore. It almost seemed pleasant and comforting. Somehow, someway I woke up.

Like I said, I had a nightmare this morning.

Sunday

The plan was to crash at atiqah's just for a night, but the idea of going back to Nilai, wasn't that tempting. Plus, since habib's MRI is on Monday, I didn't see the logics to coming back. And going back again. So, after serious thinking, I thought, " hell, another night won't hurt. Plus, this way I could spend more time with atiqah. Monday : I could easily go see habib + kdee + arinah, it'll costs less, and I won't have to get up too early in the morning. It's a win-win situation".

:]hujjjjsjkhshjsbjsjhwrqiebtrm:]

It was a lazy Sunday day, just like the way I like it. No worries, no drama's. zilch. PURE AND UTTER BLISS. Both of us woke up late due to sleeping late, no surprise there '-.-. we had branch ( but more of lunch ) at the upper mamak. Well, the choice was between ; shabby mamak or upper class mamak. I was all for shabby mamak, since I'm in a saving mode, but she wanted upper mamak. I figured since both of us were dressed gorgeously, it wasn't proper. And she wanted to give me best friend treatment. Bless her, I tell you.

After that, we, or should I say I spent the rest of the day cooped up in her room, sleeping, lazing and reading CLEO. As for her, she supposedly suppose to be doing her homework, but was occupied with editing urbanscapes' pictures and facebook-ing. Seriously, I do not understand why come people could facebook every single second. It's like knowing what everyone is doing at every second of the day. It's so troublesome not to mention, very stalker-ish. Or I'm just too lazy for it. But thing is, I always thought that these so-called networking system would bring more damage than actually connecting people.

Think about it.

ANYWAYS.

I'm glad I stayed on till Monday, or not both of us wouldn't actually talk. Not to say that Saturday we didn't talk, but it wasn't enough. Loads have happened since we last saw each other. Some things tend to get lost in translation. And some we just forgot. Both of us have changed and lead two separate lives, but one things for sure, we've got each other's back, no matter what. I guess both of us just needed to reassure one another of that fact. We forget the people that cares and loves us. And we take each for granted just cause we are the best of friends.

Sherbet shack

Picture this : a gazillion stalls that sells heavenly hand-made clothes (at bargained price :p), rip off food prices, hot rawkstars -- head banging, weird hairdos, hot/cute looking guys EVERYWHERE and awesome company, that basically sums up my extended weekend.

URBANSCAPES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

Phew. I just had to let that out

Met up with atiqah at central after what seemed like the fifth train to sentul, passes by. Annnnnnnd, might I add looking very smart with a newspaper in hand, reading. GRIN. As usual, there was this HUGE commotion when we both saw each other. After about a half a year of not meeting up, I definitely missed her. Oh sure, there was the weekly calls but its not enough. Words tend to be misunderstood through text messages or even phone calls. We were screaming and shouting and hugging all at the same time. I didn't care. I didn't know how much I missed her until I saw her. So, we were off to KLPAC | u r b a n s c a p e s |.

During night time. There were a lot of people. With just the two of us, we were overpowered.

*Monster with atiqah*

The scary look-alike bride

The cute guitarist from deepset x nyonga ba

However pathetic this may sounds, but twas my first ever event. URBANSCAPES. Its not so much of the event that makes it so memorable, but because I got to hang out with atiqah. The place was packed with people, but at least I had my prolong retail therapy! And yeah, im betting after this weekend I'll be eating just cucumber for the rest of my Nilai days. Oh well, it was worth it. Although, there were this one necklace that was TOO-DIE for. Okei, maybe it is just me, since I'm a sucker for necklaces.

Retail recap : a red G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S handbag, two necklaces ; sapphire and light pink, a mooks tongue in chick charity bag, a dark red top, black-greenish blouse and a buttons cardigan. By the end of that, I was one happy kid with a absolutely ZERO cash.

Right, I am so in need of a budget this week. Thank god, I'll be going back to monster-ville on Thursday, with sister mons, of course. Well, that's another matter I'm worried about, she'll be coming back from another Huhha country, which means, " alert the media, NSA, FBI, EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". She needs to be quarantine before she has contact with anybody. And I'm taking the same plane as her.

Anyhow, back to the budget. This week, I'll be only eating bread + nutella (since I've restocked my food box) for dinner and biscuits for lunch. I'll just have H2O for breakfast. Either that, or I'm fasting. I've got unfinished business with God.

Yep, I'll be the size of the lamp post in no time. *winks*

runsaroundIncircles

Having class on Tuesday!!!!




gulps rrr