White and pink stripes

I haven’t really gotten around to updating lately. Procrastination, laziness, got in the way but mostly because of, everything seems to be happening all at once. Frankly, by the end of the day, Im just so plain tired of writing about it. For whom actually? For whom am I writing it for? I used to think writing keeps me sane. So that I don’t have to keep everything bottled up inside me ; like a volcano about to erupt. But now I’m not so sure. It’s six o’clock in the morning and I am blabbering. O god, I do think I seriously need of a new hobby. Anything. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I am in Goms now. Finally. Definitely took my time ; what with all the drama of 2009, new friends and finding self-actualization, I wouldn’t change any back. Goms, it’s everything and MORE than I imagined it to be. The view, it’s gorgeous and to wake up every day, sun shining through your window, remarkable. And, to be with my two best friends again, words cannot express how much I’ve badly miss them. The classes, schedules, lectures and lecturers, and MY ROOM, are what uni is all about. I bragged and boast about my new campus it’s pathetic. But I am just so madly in love with it. Now, all I need to do is properly study. Everything is complete, I can’t even complain.

So there *smiles*

Kiss and tell

.I woke up today and remembered one little detail of the whole thing.

.remember that one text message when you said, ' you're the last person on earth that I would want to hurt'.

.i wonder what happened to that.

.what happened to that person.

.guess that was one promise I hoped you'd keep.

According to me

She is beautiful and talented and funny and remarkable and everything you would want in a friend. And I love you to bits, Lina Arina.

Sun shines

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes me smile, what makes happy. Simple things really. Like when :

The way the sun shines through my window every morning of every single day.


It made me smile.


Or when my mum does this simple acts of love, unintentionally; calling me saying, leaves her favorite chocolate for me, wakes me up EARLY every morning just so I can see her off to work, and sometimes just being like an annoying ten year old kid on sugar rush.


It made me smile.


Or when she gives me this GORGEOUS smile of hers that is so powerful, you can't help but to smile back.


It made me smile.


Or when my dad tells his god-awful jokes, even though he knows its not.


It made me smile.


Or when I call monster two, all the way in aussie, and she answers, ' NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'.


It made me laugh and smile like a buffoon.


Or when my best friend, tells me random stupidity about her day.


It made me smile.


Or when I look at my kid nephew, Syahmi.


And I thought to myself, how calming it is, just by looking at him.


It made me smile.


Or when my friends tell me I've helped them in some way.


It made me smile.


Or when Maktok tells me, ' Maktok senanglah arina ada kat sini this week, teman Maktok '


THAT..that made me smile the brightest.



*



So I guess at the end of the day, nothing else mattered



:))))

Frocks and poppycocks III

Feels like my head is about to explode.











*BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*























































Kidding.






*falls off chair*

The purple flap dress

I like it more back then. when the world that i know now, is much less of a scary place, much less of a shit hole. oblivious to all of its complexities. when right is just right, and wrong is plain wrong. an obvious two. it's vague now, there is a fine thread that separates the good and the bad. then you have the difficult in between, the ugly and the reality of things. what you see, is never what you get. they say, what you don't know, won't hurt you, so i deliberately ask -" really now? that's just fucking denial" . sometimes our faith shakens under the unspeakable truth, and you are left uninvited, pondering in the corner. what do i believe in these days?

The fight gets tougher, the problems ain't petty, the drunk don't get any wiser. and economics ain't getting any easier.

it slowly didn't matter anymore. hye, i'm here, same-o me.i've been on hiatus fer some time, i choose this , i choose to be invisible ( at least to you). you should know, i'm alive, definitely better than the time before. not that it would do any difference. not that its of any significance, but i promised to be a friend, and i am still here. i hope you're happy, i am not bitter. maybe immune would fit in just perfect. this thing in me, the one that beats every half a second, it shrunk . so small that i don't think i have space fer resentment. i don't resent you fer all the things you did or didn't do. my heart is an empty room, and i'm waiting fer my IKEA.

Iam s till miss in gyou after all this time I know its been awhil



people are like clothes. your heart jumps at the sight of that new dress on a mannequin, try it shall we. it fits, more than perfect on you. then after some time,it may look just as exact, but when you put it on, it just feels different. it's not that the materials changed, the elements, the sewed on string, the buttons, the pins, the ruffles, the detailed lining - nada, nothing's changed but the colour fades, worn too many of a time. it used to be a favourite, now its in those piles of forgotten draggy cloths. it served you well, even a little more than expected. but it just wears out.

Alhamdulillah..

Funny how things turn out at the end for me. Unexpected friendships are developed, some are lost due to unforeseen changes and old ones are rekindled. Funny how the world works. And He does work in wonders. I wasn't able to see it back then, now I am grateful for what I've been through. It wasn't a walk in the park. It wasn't a bed of roses with ice-creams and chocolates but I am glad that I went through with it. You see, last semester, middle of this year, I had the shocked of my life. Back then, everything was perfect. At least, at first it seemed that way..to me anyways. I thought I had everything that I could ever dream; two awesome best friends, humanoids that I could relate to, a reputable reputation and a fairly-good-enough academic status. Turns out I was completely off. I have my two complete sets of best friends, but the humanoids? Turns out there were some only so-called friends. And guess what, I wasn't graduating anymore. Awesome, ain't it?

At the start of the semester, I was fighting with a hell lot of people. To a point that I had issues with the whole freaking world. I mean I already knew that this was a messed up world; full, of ignorant people. Over the years, instead of beating the system, I went with it. Look where it got me. Damaged, insecure, paranoid and a bitch.

*TADDAAA*

This time however, I came out, a bazooka in one hand and a sniper in another. Oh hell yes, I hated every single minute I was there.

*smile* actually the only thing that kept me there (meaning sane, zero killing mode and happy) is the dorm mates and my best friends. Both of which are awesome with various personalities that I cannot describe. They have helped me in every possible way. They are my support system. I have about 21 people in the room, and EVERY SINGLE one of them have, in one way or another, motivated me and kept me stronger; both, mentally and physically, and more focused than ever. I love them so much. They are very much like my family. They have faults, they are not perfect, but I would not want it any other way.

So now, fast forward five months and 12 days today, i am finally graduating and be going to someplace else. All thanks to them. I miss them terribly, and it's so weird not waking up to their shrieking voices in the morning, the rush of everyone getting ready for classes, the 'wedang's during the evening, the late night Nescafes and movie, the adventures, the dramas and them. Room e-1-10 taught me a lot. They gave me more than I imagined. Even thank you, seems insufficient somehow.